The day before yesterday, I wore two unmatching shoes.
I left the house about 9:00 AM, toward a work day that did not end until 8:30 in the evening. A little after 6:30, I was sitting and talking with a congregant when I looked down and noticed that I had on two different shoes. I was horrified and self-conscious. My thoughtful conversation partner, bless his soul, said, "I thought I was the only one who did that!"
My own thoughts included: In seven-plus hours, how many people must have seen me today and noticed the shoes? How foolish I must have looked! How many people did they tell? I can't even go home and fix this, I'm stuck looking ridiculous for a couple more hours.
But then I thought about a teaching about chametz and self-importance that I had shared on Shabbat:
Chametz — bread that is leavened or risen — is a symbol of haughtiness, self-importance. Think of it this way: If you start with just flour and water, then mix them together, the resulting dough takes up no more space that what you started with. That's matzah, which represents humility and a sense of proportion. Anything that rises is taking up more space than it really deserves. So chasidic thought teaches us around Pesach that getting rid of chametz means breaking the pattern of puffing ourselves out, thinking we deserve more space than we really take up.
So I realized the best thing was to laugh at myself and move on. After all, how many people really noticed? I mean, are my shoes — even if they are the rabbi's shoes — really all that important in someone else's day?
Before Pesach begins, we are supposed to search for chametz in our homes and other spaces. I think one way to apply the chasidic perspective is to go through all the places where we eat, and think about the conversations and relationships that take place there. In the kitchen and dining room, that's obvious. But we snack in the bedroom, or in the car while we talk on the cellphone, and we eat in our workplaces as well.
As we push our brooms or brush out crumbs, we should pause to think about who we're with in this place and how we act. Am I puffed out? Do I grandstand, show off, perform? Or am I just right?
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